Big Family Dinners and Get Togethers
It’s September now. For a lot of people, the next big events are Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, which are right around the corner. Both normally come with extravagant family dinners, desserts, and gifts. It is last minute, but you still have a little time and some options available to you.
How it Often Goes
Don’t try to be the hero or heroine. You don’t have to host the family dinner at your home, do all the decorating, pull out all your glassware and silverware, purchase and cook all the meats, sides, and desserts. Sure, it feels good to hear the accolade about how great everything looks, what a great job you do every year, and how absolutely delicious your food tastes. But that keeps you in that role. Every year, everyone expects you to do it. And you tell yourself you don’t mind.
In October it hits you: this is going to cost hundreds of dollars. Since you never really think about it ahead of time, that money isn’t already set to the side for that purpose. You do a little rearranging the bills and that’s that. You start looking for a good deal on the meats, and then a week before you start buying up fresh greens, checking off all the items on your grocery list, scheduling when you’ll start preparing what. The night before the dinner, you spend all evening (well into the wee hours of the morning), cooking and preparing. You awake around 6am because both the turkey and the ham must be perfectly timed for dinner. No one wants a reheated turkey or ham. So, at 6am you get started again. It’s going to take all day to finish things up. By the time family and friends arrive, you are physically and visibly exhausted. But the show must go on. Someone brings a dish, a dessert, or something to drink and you graciously accept it even though you already made the same dish or you don’t need more of that particular thing. Dinner is great, everyone is laughing, eating, and enjoying themselves. For a brief moment, it feels all worth it. At the end of the evening, they pack up plates to carry home and someone makes an attempt to help you clean up the kitchen. It’s the least they can do.
When all said and done, you’ve spent hundreds of dollars and dozens of hours of mental and physical energy planning and executing your event. You may even walk away with a few nice memories, but mainly you’re exhausted. If this is Thanksgiving, you’ll do it all again for Christmas. You’ll vow something has to change, but in 10 months those feelings and that tiredness could be a faint memory. Why wait, do something different starting this year.
HOW IT COULD GO
Option 1: Divide and Conquer
What if this time, you partnered with other heads of households? Maybe each of you can make one of the meats, and two sides. Someone else can prepare a couple desserts. Someone can come over ahead of time to help decorate and setup. Divide the tasks up so that everyone can share the cooking and expense. Someone might try to convince you that they can’t cook as good as you so it would be better to keep things the way they are. Don’t let them sway you. One day they might be hosting dinner they’ll need to have developed this skill. So, you’re actually doing them a favor; you’re helping them level up. Besides, even though food is an important part of your celebration, it’s not the most important thing.
Option 2: Go Simple
You can also simplify things. Prepare less items. You don’t have to have four meats, and 6 sides, 2 types of bread, and 6 deserts. You can have a lovely Sunday family-style meal, with one or two meats, two sides, one bread, and one dessert. You can call people back to simplicity and the meaning of that holiday (or holy day).
Option 3: Take Turns
You can also take turns hosting. If you want to go all out this year, let someone else do it the next year and someone else the year after that. You can be the one to bring a dish, dessert, or something to drink. Of course, you’ll ask ahead of time, what you can bring, so that you are not duplicating the menu. Taking turns means you are not always the one carrying that load and expense. If you want to offer a few hours to mentor, prep or coo, you can do that. But know when to fold up the apron and go home. For new cooks, let them know they don’t have to have a 12 item menu; it’s okay to keep things simple.
Option 4: Work Together
If your home can accommodate it, maybe several people can come over with their respective contributions to the dinner and you all spend the day washing, chopping, cooking, talking, laughing, and enjoying each other. Then you all stay to clean up afterwards. It’s still going to be more work on you as the hosting home, but it’s not the same as you doing everything- preparing your house for the event, decorating, and then cooking and time everything so it’s the perfect temperature when you set it out.
Conclusion
You can create a new traditions. People might say you are cheaping out, may question your reason for the changes, may ask you if you’re okay financially. Simply let them know, that you realized you don’t have to do it all yourself. It’s a lot of work and expense and there’s no reason the family can’t share in that more equitably.
